He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize