Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
