I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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