hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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