So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize