Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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