I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
