it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
