he thought i was a dude.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
