In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
