Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
