I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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