Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
