u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a search helicopter?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
