WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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