Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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