I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
