my soul wont recognize me after tonight
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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