like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
