Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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