Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
