I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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