You can't motorboat a personality
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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