They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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