Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
