You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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