youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
