You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
