Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
