if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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