margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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