They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
