don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
