I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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