I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
