I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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