Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
