he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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