I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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