Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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