glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
