I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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