I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
