i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Operation Purity has been aborted
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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