Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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