wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
