I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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