I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
