Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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