He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
