Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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