you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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