what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Farmville is her only friend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
