Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
