i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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