if only i could text you this smell
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
