i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
