A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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