Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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