I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
