drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize