i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
