Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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