Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My vagina is officially offended.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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