Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize