Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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