He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just found a bag of teeth...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
