I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize