currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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