I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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