So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
