So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
