No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
