I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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