I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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