he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
