I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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