oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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