In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
