everyone is single if you try hard enough
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
