I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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