If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
