Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
