I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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