ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
