jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't put those talents on a resume
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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