my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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