I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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