Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
