When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
