I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
