if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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